Sayonara No Kyou Ni (On this day we say goodbye)
By Bryce Matsuda | He/Him/His | Seattle, WA
Originally Published May 1st, 2020
The song is さよならの今日に (Sayonara no kyou ni) by あいみょん (Aimyon). The official English translation of the title is “On This Day We Say Goodbye”
Credits to the original English translation of the song (with some personal modifications) goes to: https://ko-fi.com/post/Aimyon-Lyrics-Sayonara-no-Kyou-ni-%E3%81%95%E3%82%88%E3%81%AA%E3%82%89%E3%81%AE%E4%BB%8A%E6%97%A5%E3%81%AB-P5P51FJ4E
(song lyrics)
Day after day, my muddy past follows me everywhere I go 泥まみれの過去が纏わりつく日々だ
As I climb up this mountain aimlessly with heavy legs 鈍くなった足でゴールのない山を登る
Falling head over heels in love 恋い焦がれたこと
Waking up from a dream only to dream again 夢に起きてまた夢見たこと
It all swirls in my head, as if cutting out everything これまでを切り取るように
That's happened to me up until now 頭の中を巡る
I know tomorrow will come 明日が来ることは解る
I know yesterday will never come back 昨日が戻らないのも知ってる
But if I could, I'd love to do it all over again できれば やり直したいけれど
If I owe who I am now to the things I've cut out 切り捨てた何かで今があるなら
Then I shouldn't say selfish things 「もう一度」 だなんて そんな我儘
Like asking for another chance 言わないでおくけどな
And yet somewhere out there それでもどこかで今も
There's still something I want right now 求めているものがある
Immortal rock stars, eternal kings 不滅のロックスター 永遠のキングは
How did they live out their tomorrows? 明日をどう生きただろうか
The cracks in the sky 傷だらけの空が
Are smearing an awful lot today やけに染みていく今日
As I walk along the dry riverbed 鈍くなった足で
With heavy legs 河川敷をなぞり歩
I know I'll start to cry 涙がでることは解る
I know those feelings will never come back 気持ちが戻らないのも知ってる
If that's the case, I'd love to just quit それなら 辞めてしまいたいけれど
If the things I've left behind change who I am now 残された何かで今が変わるなら
Then I shouldn't beg for mercy 「もう一度」 だなんて そんな情けは
Asking for another chance 言わないでおくけどな
And yet somewhere out there それでもどこかで今も
There's still something that I'm hoping for right now 望んでいる事がある
Legendary boxers 伝説のプロボクサー
Those people full of mystery 謎に満ちたあいつは
How do you think they made it through their tomorrows? 明日をどう乗り越えたかな
Let the blowing wind take control 吹く風にまかせ
Close your eyes and dance 目を閉じて踊れ
Look up at the sweet cocktail colored sky 甘いカクテル色の空を仰げ
You'll hear that voice そんな声が聞こえる
I know that even if I gather up 切り捨てた何かを拾い集めても
The things I've cut out もう二度と戻る事はないと
They'll never come back ever again 解っているのにな
If I owe who I am now to the things I've cut out 切り捨てた何かで今があるなら
Then I shouldn't say selfish things 「もう一度」 だなんて そんな我儘
Like asking for another chance 言わないでおくけどな
And yet somewhere out there それでもどこかで今も
There's still something I want right now 求めているものがある
Immortal rock stars 不滅のロックスター
Eternal kings 永遠のキングは
How did they live out their tomorrows? 明日をどう生きただろうか
Legendary boxers 伝説のプロボクサー
Those people full of mystery 謎に満ちたあいつは
How do you think they made it through their tomorrows? 明日をどう乗り越えたかな
(song end)
A recurring topic in my life at the time this song came out in February seemed to be funerals. Or rather, hearing about funerals.
The funeral of a close family friend who had passed away the previous month was that same week. I had recently learned from my dad that the dentist I went to as a kid growing up had also passed away the previous month, and his funeral would be overseen by my family’s temple’s minister. Famous professional basketball player Kobe Bryant and his daughter had passed away in a plane crash a few weeks prior and plans for his memorial service were being planned. (Coincidentally, I remember a workshop about funerals was being held at the Seattle Betsuin the same day of the crash.)
The first few times I reflected on this song’s title, “Hakkotsu no Sho” or “Letter on White Ashes” always seemed to come to mind. The message we hear at almost every funeral, memorial service, or Obon service about how life is impermanent regardless of age, and we eventually depart from this life and turn into white ashes. Seeing friends around my age at temple who still have grandparents they can still talk to sometimes reminds me of the days where my grandparents were still around, but also reminds of the days where I had to say goodbye to them through their funerals and burials. With the coronavirus epidemic, I’m sure many people around the world have already had or will have those days come suddenly to their loved ones and family, unfortunately.
Apart from funerals, though, recent and past moments in my life reminded me of other days where I instead said goodbye to friends. Saying goodbye to exchange students from Japan who attended the “Kaiwa Table” Japanese conversational group at UW before they returned home. During a recent vacation to Japan, saying goodbye to an exchange student friend I knew from college before she plans on permanently moving abroad. Saying goodbye to co-workers on the last day of work at my first real world job in Hawaii before moving to Seattle. Saying goodbye to teachers and classmates at high school and college graduation.
With high schools and universities going completely online, vacating their residence halls, and canceling nearly all events for the remainder of the school year due to said coronavirus epidemic, I can’t imagine what it’s like getting your social life cut off and having to be separated so suddenly. I’m sure there are many out there who never got to say the proper goodbyes to friends, teachers, and classmates in-person whom they might not see again for a long time, if not ever. My heart especially goes out to the senior classes, who were preparing for one last hurrah before the end of the year but now can’t even get to experience a proper graduation ceremony.
明日が来ることは解る I know tomorrow will come
昨日が戻らないのも知ってる I know yesterday will never come back
できれば やり直したいけれど But if I could, I'd love to do it all over again
While hanging around the Sr. YBA members who are currently attending college, I sometimes wish I could go back to the days of an undergrad student (minus the studying part). I mean, sure, in the real world there’s no more staying up until 2:00am almost every night and silently cursing the professors who make super complicated homework or exams, among other struggles of a college student. At the same time, there’s no more chilling with friends every day in the cafeteria, no more doing homework with friends in the library study rooms while watching anime videos on YouTube, no more impromptu party nights with friends in other dorms, I mean the list could go on. Of course, I continue to keep in contact with a few of my college friends via social media, but it doesn’t quite feel the same as it was back then. After college graduation, everyone heads down their own different paths in the world. Some of these friendships may stick around as time goes on. Most will fade apart due to distance, other priorities, relationships, grad school, children, etc. no matter how much effort you try and put into it. They have the potential to come back again down the line, or they could possibly never come back. Who knows? Nonetheless, life goes on, you move forward in life and make new connections (or at least try your very best to), and you get accustomed to it over time.
傷だらけの空が The cracks in the sky
やけに染みていく今日 Are smearing an awful lot today
鈍くなった足で As I walk along the dry riverbed
河川敷をなぞり歩く With heavy legs
涙がでることはわかる I know I'll start to cry
気持ちが戻らないのも知ってる I know those feelings will never come back
それなら 辞めてしまいたいけれど If that's the case, I'd love to just quit
切り捨てた何かを拾い集めても I know that even if I gather up
もう二度と戻る事はないと The things I've cut out
解っているのにな They'll never come back ever again
The ups in my college life were also not without their downs, and there were two distinct moments in my life where I had to permanently say goodbye (in my heart) to the days of continually hanging out in a friend group again due to the relations within the group falling apart in some fashion. This happened in two separate years with two separate friend groups. I don’t remember the exact dates it happened, but I still vividly remember the feelings in the moments walking back to my dorm room afterwards. The acceptance, the tears, the emptiness, the suffering, wondering how relations that were slowly built over the course of a year or so of fun memories could collapse in an instant just like a toppling Jenga tower. Reflecting almost five or so years later from a Jodo Shinshu perspective, while initially there was a lot of things I regret doing or not doing that I wish I could’ve done over again, the time spent apart either by myself or with other peers eventually brought me at peace. I think it taught me now to not become super attached to these sorts of moments, that connections will come and go, that life will still go on, and that’s okay.
切り捨てた何かで今があるなら If I owe who I am now to the things I've cut out
「もう一度」だなんて そんな我儘 Then I shouldn't say selfish things
言わないでおくけどな Like asking for another chance
それでもどこかで今も And yet somewhere out there
求めているものがある There's still something I want right now
不滅のロックスター Immortal rock stars
永遠のキングは Eternal kings
明日をどう生きただろうか How did they live out their tomorrows?
伝説のプロボクサー Legendary boxers
謎に満ちたあいつは Those people full of mystery
明日をどう乗り越えたかな How do you think they made it through their tomorrows?
In closing, treasure every moment of in person interaction with friends and family you have, whether through temple, classes, or other social activities, whether it’s for an hour, a day, a month, a year, or longer. You’ll never know when things like what many of us are going through now will happen again later in life which will warrant a long, potentially permanent, period of “さよなら.” (goodbye)
Stay home, stay healthy.
“Time waits for no one.”
- from the 2006 film The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (時をかける少女)
